


Hiraeth

by bikeride



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, M/M, Reincarnation, alex is gay but john is gayer, im trash for lams hbu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-28
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-12-20 23:58:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11932044
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bikeride/pseuds/bikeride
Summary: Behind the many lives are the many memories that will come to haunt the unfortunate souls.





	Hiraeth

      Alexander Paden, Gackett, Maine, Hamilton. All those, and even more, were names I wore around myself in the many lives I have lived. Reincarnation.. a strange, but somehow comforting thought, is it not? The thought of dying, only to be reborn in another life, in another time, and in another body, does it not reassure you? It shouldn't, especially if you're one of those unfortunate souls who latch on to every memory they gather in every life. I remember every death, every enemy, every friend, every.. loved one. And it hurts. Dear Lord, it hurts. Imagine.. You try your very best to look for the one who made your heart beat the fastest, but your time runs out before they can even spare you a glance. 

     And for now, I can say that I've given up. I met my lover in the winter of 1776, and I spent so much time trying to find him, that I failed to live the lives I was given for the next three centuries, and on top of that, I also failed to find him. He, too, is an unfortunate soul. I know this because I remember talking to him about all our past lives in a quiet meadow under the stars. That.. is only one of the many memories I shared with him. But for now, in this life I am currently living, I promised to stop my search, find a nice lady, settle down, have kids, and die old. Oh, and of course, how can I forget; struggle with student loan, yell at all of my workmates, have a mid-life crisis, and probably cheat on all of my partners because I can. Oh, and maybe drown in some memes while I'm at it.

     Hi, my name is Alexander Miranda, a 21 year old Law student in the summer of 2017, currently spilling coffee on myself as I try to flirt with this decent looking barista. Yay, what a life.

     "Are you a nine, because I'm the one you need," I say with a wink as he hands me my coffee. The barista didn't seem too happy with me seeing that he wrote 'Anecdote Marrissa' next to a well drawn pepe meme flipping me off on my cup.

     He smiles at me with play innocence, "Sorry Anectode, but I'm a ten." 

     "Yeah, on a pH scale."

     As you can see, I don't care much about life anymore. I walk away from the barista, slinging my backpack over my shoulder as I walked out of the coffee shop. Taking a sip from my coffee, I glanced at my phone. '8:27' Aaaand I have three minutes to get to class. Surprisingly enough, Law is the only thing I take seriously these days. Wait, no, that's not surprising. 1780 me would smack me in the face with a metal chair if I don't take Law seriously.

     I finish up my cup of coffee, which was like 70249480924 degrees Celsius by the way, and bolted into a run. I mumbled words of apology to those I pushed past and picked up the pace. But in an oh-so-cliche manner, I bumped into someone, and we both tripped. 

     "I am so sorry!" "Shit, sorry!" we both say at the same time, and something inside struck me.

     I look up, and my heartbeat sped up. His eyes meet mine. _His_ eyes. "John.."

     He only shoots me a confused look, raising an eyebrow up a bit as he tilted his head. "Do I kno-"

      _No._ I abruptly stood up, grabbed my bag, and ran. He doesn't remember me. Fucking hell, he doesn't remember me. I felt my whole world collapse into its knees. I spent.. every damn life.. trying to find _him_ , and he doesn't even remember me. And now that I finally gave up, he shows, asking himself if he fucking knows me. I ran. I ran until I couldn't feel my legs anymore. And I found myself in the park, breathing heavily against a tree. And for some fucked up reason, tears were streaming down my pale face.

     I put my bag down and buried my face on the gap between the knees I held up to my chest. Then, for the first time in the 21 years of me not giving a damn, I cried. My mind flashed the best memories, only for me to hate it. The feeling of his touch on my skin lingered. I longed once again for him, when I tried so hard to keep the feeling away. 

     "Alexander," I hear him say in my mind. His voice.. Everything about him, I miss dearly. "Alexander," it says again. Every part of him was touched by angels, made as the sole definition of perfection. "Alexander!"

     My head shoots up. I must be dreaming. The love of my life.. well, lives.. was kneeling in front of me with a knowing look on his face. I am dreaming, aren't I? I pinch myself, and came to the conclusion that I was not dreaming. John Laurens.. or whatever the hell his last name is these days.. is here. With me. With a .. dorky smile on his face?

     "Did you seriously just pinch yourself?" he asks. I was unable to focus on anything. It was a lot to take in. But then he laughs. I never thought I'd be able to hear that laugh ever again! "Lexi, please," that nickname.. "You're looking at me like you're about to pounce on m-"

     I cut him off by basically attacking him with a hug. I wrap my arms around his frame and held him as if letting him go meant I'd never ever see him again. And thankfully, he hugged me back. All those decades of finding him felt like nothing now that I had him in my arms. It was unbelievable how I even gave up on trying to find him.

     After a while of making sure everything was real, I pulled away and smiled at him. And he.. smiles back, making my stomach do back flips. Words were not needed at that moment when we looked at each other's eyes. It was as if it was the first time I ever saw him back in that winter of some year. 

     When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled, because you knew.

**Author's Note:**

> this oneshot is dedicated to my dear friend, trust fund baby (you know who you are), from yours truly  
> also 'When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled, because you knew.' is a Shakespear quote


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